Mens F Season Report

26 May 2010

Dear F Team,

Well just as we have all become super fit, lean mean hockey machines, it's that time yet again to wander off into the mists of time, and regain a few extra pounds to get us through those tough summer months, till once again we will take on all comers, and regale stories of past glories on the pitch

Its been a season of highs and lows, games of two halves that sometimes seemed like four, classic victories and crushing defeats ! We won against some of the best, and lost against the worst. Such is the F Team in its idiosyncratic form and irreverent ways. But always with pride, good humour, sportsmanlike ways and never in anger ( well except for Jeffrey, Tom, Oscar, Ali-G, Dermot the WMD etc etc ! )

The closest we ever got to Training was going on the MTR and KCR ( get it ?...some-one explain that to Tom please ! ) The furthest we got from the Bar was Kings Park, but we ALWAYS found our way back.

In statistics, we played 22 games. We won 6, drew 5 and lost 11. Of the 11 losses...8 were just by 1 goal.

We scored 40 goals and let in 47.

The scorers ranged from the misfiring WMD on 12, to F-King Tom ( F for Flick that is ) on 11....oooooh so close yet so far. Chris and Oscar on 4, and a gaggle behind in ones and twos of Ali-G, Anthony, Buno, Dermot, Philip ( 2 in one game for a draw after not being around most of the season..! ), and Thorsten.

The least number of players ever fielded was 12, and the most of course 16, but we had 20 inclusive as supporters too.

Our worst loss was to the old enemies Recreio C at 5 - 1 and our best win 5 - 3 versus an undermanned CSSA.

MVP, over the season, basically covered the whole team, with no less than 17 getting the weekly award, and David G and Tim coming out top with 3 each, and Thorsten, Walter & George taking 2...so proving is as much about the midfield and backs in winning games as it is the guys who score the goals. Both Jeroen and Kubosan also gained an MVP this season.

Most number of games played, being 22 + a run of 4 in the Cup gives a possible total of 26. Well lets start in reverse...we had a few "assists'" from Andy Dale, Joel and Tony Ng..many thanks to them. NO ASSISTS at all ever from the lovely E Team...and they grabbed away our midfield man Paul P to who managed just 5 games early in the season. The terrific Kubosan..came in for 4 games and did a fantastic job. Lyle...making a mad dash to make up for lost games at the end of season comes in a just 6.. ( could do better as my teacher used to say ! ) but highly worthwhile once on the pitch. Closely followed by Dave Fargus, on "walkabout" these days. Always a pleasure once in town. On 7 games was newboy Buno, a Bertie call-up and hopefully without any further self-inflicted injuries, will be around for a good few more games next season. Steaming in a lucky # 8 was Philip 2-goal Spanton...defiantly need to step up to the bar more often next season..and not just the Sportsmens type. Another late addition Fergus, 9 games and I think a 100% record from the day he was drafted in ( these "young" guys are so keen to impress ! ). Then we come to George, a brief start to the season, loooooong pause and a triumphant return for a total of 10 games, here's hoping it runs to a near full season next time. On 13, unlucky for some, is Anthony, chasing hard on the heels of a group on 14 games, of Abhinav, Ali-G, JP, and Oscar. Ali-G had difficulties extricating himself from India while Oscar spent part of the season due to Bertie having removed something else ! Hopefully all will be available more next season. At 15 games we have Pete, an amazing feat considering he seems to spend 90% of the time incommunicado or out of town ! 16 games saw Steve following closely behind Dermot 1, David G and Tim on 18 apiece, and David W just ahead of the bunch on a very credible 19 games. At kind of opposite ends of the scale, Jeroen, Walter and Thorsten, all hitting double-double figures and 21 games each. Then we have Tom, on an impressive 22. Reaching his second wind and 'youthful zone, Bertie screams into the top three placings with a massive 23 games. Finally, second place, and luckily only shown up by his trusted right hand man ( or should I say men with the 'alter-ego" ) is Clive on 25 games, and that leaves on a "perfect storm 100% record" Mr Chris ( Jeffrey ) Jones.

Notable final mention is Chris Grossick who I have no idea still if he was registered with The F Team..then never played for anyone, on a big fat "0" and our number one all time fan, guardian, mentor and female impersonator, Mr John " Emily" Alabaster ! Also zero actual games ( even though he made it up to HK for the 7's ( wrong sport John ! though the balls are bigger to spot ) and yet a 100% record on long distance "lurve' for the team.

So to the much anticipated "AWARDS"...probably a few missing but I hope at least everyone has "won" something.

In NO PARTICULAR ORDER...shall we begin.

Best Goalkeeper.............oh this is tough..but purely because he's so big and won't let Kubosan play..it goes to Jeroen !
Best Alternative GK. Kubosan.
Worst GK...Jeroen..ha ha..well he let in far more goals than Kubo so its all works out even in the end !
Best Back. well..its subjective..but Tim. Smooth broad shoulders, unblemished skin, well toned muscles.....ooh oh..sorry..Best Hockey Back..the entire line up.
Best Tackle...well again this could get rather personal and I can't say as I keep my eyes closed in the Changing rooms at all times.
Best Dribbler on the pitch, Chris
Worst Dribbler on the pitch..Chris.
Best Dribbler in the Bar..( this has to remain a team secret )
Best Goal scorer.............oooh well its NOT Tom..much as I tried, missed, blew it, misfired the WMD, passed to him, he came in 2nd to the WMD. Next year, next year.
Second best goal scorer....see above.
Best "one hit wonders" jointly won by Ali-G, Thorsten and Dermot. can we step it up to maybe "2" goals each next season ?
Best "double" of the year...Philip..stays away for 6 months, strolls in and whacks 2 in first game.
Best Hat Trick of the season.............this one goes begging unfortunately.
Most number of missed hat-tricks ( avoidance ) well un-unintentional as they were, it has to go the the Captain.
Best Indian player. Abhinav. Most Indian like, Ali-G..oh my goodness gracious me !
Best Dutch player Jeroen,
Best Australian ? No such thing...oops sorry Dave.
Best Dual nationality player Chris / Jeffrey.
Best Ninja Kubosan ( carefully disguised as a GK in case you misssed him )
Worst F Team player ~ Proudie ( sorry ! )
Best E Team player !! ~ Proudie ( we taught him all he know )
Fittest F Team Player. Fergus. HAS TO BE..he has 3 fags and 3 beers before during and after the game and still runs around !
Least fit players, Jeroen & Kubo, well they never even make it out of the "D" and once they get there they fall over !
Best Team medic Bertie, can remove balls and still play hockey !
Best self inflicted injury..Buno ( closely follow by Oscar ) ~ ( even more closely followed by the Double Nipple Tackle chest injury Jeffry took last game.)
Best Captain, Clive
Worst Captain, Clive.
Best Captain for next season..Jose M....but barring the 'whip-round' not raising 100 million Euro ( soon to be worth HK$128.60 )..then its...Clive.
Best Vice Captain Chris.
Best person for Vice...Dermot and / or Fargus ( pure rumour and what goes on tour stays on tour ! )
Best Guitarist..Dave G ( think about it ? )
Worst Fine master Dermot ( meaning your THE BEST so no more fines for me !! )
Best Cricket player Dermot.
Man most likely to win a tennis match after a Bar session and margarita...JP
Best Blues Brother....Dave and Dave ( that's F + W not G ! )
Best season Injury..Oscar...to himself AND the opposition so double brownie points...carded too
Most cards / sending offs......actually no record...but I guess its..Jeffrey.
Most unintelligible remarks, Tom
Worst tackles, Tom
Best Dog Tom
Best TV appearance Tom
Most innocent " what did I DO ? " look...Tom.
Most self criticism per game, Thorsten
Best passer, Clive ( now let's see whose actually reading this far down !!! )
Best "comeback" George.
Longest Shower taker Chris...still in there as I type.
Biggest Drinker ~ entire F Team
Last to leave the Sportmens...no one remembers
Worst offence, Jeffrey ordering "Salad" at the bar.
Best dressers...the F Team as the Blues Brothers
TROPHIES WON...best Team at the Xmas Party.

THAT'S IT. Sure I missed something, someone, somewhere ! Bar fined as per usual. GREAT TEAM. GREAT EFFORT. GREAT SEASON no matter the points, the results ( yes we should have won the Cup but..its ONLY hockey after all !! )

Stay Fit, Stay Happy, Stay Healthy. See ( some of ) you at the End Of Season Party or AGM.

Ciao and Jolly Hockey Sticks ( Thorsten I think I still have yours, let me know )

Clive

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